Diablo - Needs some pointers from his father

Like the taglines said: This movie is Beyond Hope. Beyond Salvation. However, there's plenty of regret on our part for watching it. 

This was a really bad movie. Just awful. Not one bit entertaining. Bad acting, bad directing, bad writing.

Do I have to justify the one star when it clearly deserves zero? Okay, the scenery was absolutely beautiful. So gorgeous in fact, that after I finish this review, I'm going to Google where it was filmed. There, done. That was the only good thing about the movie. 

Now back to this atrocious pile of garbage. Not much more I can say after reading some of the other reviews. Everyone who said it was garbage nailed it. Unfortunately, I rented it from a Redbox before looking at the reviews, watch Diablo online free.

In one scene, our "hero" was out in the open, when he sees some movement in the nearby woods. He just stands there watching for a while with a stupid, I mean, puzzled look. And to our surprise, oh my gosh, he gets shot! So two "bad guys" are in the cover of the woods, on horseback, and they have their weapons drawn, and they just shot this guy (and his horse by the way).

Diablo 

So our "hero" moves towards his weapon - which is not on his person. So, hmmm, do the "bad guys" in the cover of the woods with their weapons already drawn finish the job? No, they say something to the affect that "he is going for his weapon...", AND THEY RUN!

What the heck? They run? Did that really just happen? I just can't get my head around how bad this scene was! Who writes garbage like this? Who directs garbage like this? Who in the world green lights garbage like this? Inconceivable!

• The Fate of the Furious - It ain't ran out of gas!

Then there were the numerous scenes throughout this gem where nobody could hit the side of a barn! It was like a western version of the old TV series "The A-Team" where 10,000 bullets were fired, and nobody got shot! Okay maybe not that bad. But this is the old west, where people were trained with weapons because their life depended on it. And there were shootouts where people couldn't hit the side of a barn WITH A RIFLE! Are you kidding me? You are in handgun range with a rifle and you miss???

So, yes this movie was bad, but at least the horrifically revolting ending quickly brought it from the trash to the gutter. I don't know what to say about the ending. I actually laughed out loud at the absolute absurdity of the ending. It was just so appropriate for how bad the movie had been all along. 

Do yourself a favor. Forego this waste of your time, and grab a CLINT Eastwood western and enjoy.

The Fate of the Furious - It ain't ran out of gas!

Fate of the Furious, the eight installment of the mindless, crazed up action flick has proved itself that the franchise never ran out of gas. There's over the top action scene, there's some mindless story, and there's Vin Diesel talking about family over and over again. Those things are what makes us coming back for more, and this is no exception.

The story follows Dom Toretto who betrays his family to work for Cipher, and his team's attempt to stop him. Vin Diesel has firmly stated that this movie "may earn a Oscar for it's acting", Maybe he's right because the acting is probably the best in the franchise. There were times where I'm surprised by Vin Diesel's acting. I also had a tear in my eye for no reason (damn those ninja cutting onions...)

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The Fate of the Furious

Charlize Theron is amazing as someone who's a menacing foe that you love to hate. The Rock, Jason Statham, Michelle Rodriguez, Ludicrous, Tyrese, Kurt Russell, and Nathalie Emmanuel reprises their roles and they did a good job as well, especially The Rock, Statham and Michelle Rodriguez. Scott Eastwood and Helen Mirren are great and a welcome addition to the franchise. There's also some surprise appearances and they are great as well.

The story... you definitely need no explanation for this. As always: it's stupid, in a good way of course. The story ties into Fast & Furious 6, and Furious 7, so for newcomers to the franchise, you may get confused a bit. The film also uses plot twists, which were greatly executed. There were some well placed funny moments and there's also some depressing moments as well. The movie also serves as the first in the final trilogy of the franchise. How the story goes later, we'll just wait for the ninth installment, which definitely will arrive soon enough.

The action, needless to say, is as crazy as in Furious 7, or maybe more. Taking insanity to the next level, these action scenes is either get you pumped out for what happens next, or making you shake your head for it's absurdity. Just don't relate to science or the law of physics, because those things don't apply to this movie.

However, the movie somehow felt hollow. There's something that's missing from the movie that prevents me from fully enjoying the movie. The lack of Paul Walker in the movie probably causes this. Referencing Brian and Mia in the movie ain't help either. Plot holes were present in the movie as well. Someone dies in the movie, but their deaths don't do justice (he/she died, he/she avenge his/her death, and that's it). And there's some CGI noticeable throughout the movie (which is a shame).

Regardless, Fate of the Furious is a movie with a stupid story, ridiculous action sequences, and Vin Diesel talking about family, which were bad, in a good way. Don't expect a really good story, or some logical action scene, because you'll ended up disappointed by the end of this movie. And for those "fans" who said: "Remember when it's all about racing", face it, Fast & Furious ain't returning fully to it's roots. If you don't like the change then you'll definitely don't like this movie. For anyone else who like fast cars, mindless action fun, get a ticket, have a seat and enjoy the ride.

Max Dien - Superficial action movie that lacks depth

I'm not completely sure what I was expecting from Fury Road, but it was more than this. This is the latest example of Hollywood rehashing a successful and good movie franchise solely for profit. It's mindless, repetitive action sequences melded between horrible acting and overused clichés.

One of the allures of this series is seeing the outlandish road vehicles that are used, and in this the movie mostly delivers. You have the high-powered Warrior Rig driven by Furiosa. There's battle vehicles equipped with spikes, rigs with counter-balanced poles for launching warriors into other vehicles, and there's even a vehicle equipped with large bass drums and a stack of speakers that would make KISS jealous with a psychotic guitarist wailing away for our musical enjoyment. And of course, each vehicle comes equipped with more explosive arsenal than a battle ship. And it's put to good use.

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Max Dien

However, once you get past the eye candy, you realize there's nothing else to it. The story is weak. The characters are weaker. And the acting is the worst. The movie never drew me in. Not even close. Whenever the movie 'tried' to add depth and be dramatic, it was painful and embarrassing to watch.

The scene where Furiosa reacts to finding out her birth home is gone by taking off her prosthetic arm and dropping down to her knees may be the worst movie scene I've ever watched. And it says something when the most interesting character is Nux, a relentless slave/warrior who actually has a mind of his own and decides to help Max and Furiosa in their quest

Of course, one of Immortan Joe's wives falls for him, representing one of the many poorly executed clichés this movie is riddled with.

I can watch a superficial action movie and enjoy it for what it is, to a point. This one, however, is just generally so poorly executed that it leaves a lot to be desired. I didn't hate it, but I have absolutely no desire to see it again.

Avengers: Age of Ultron - Behold, the world's largest conveyor belt

"People stopped being people in 1913. That was the year Henry Ford put his cars on rollers and made his workers adopt the speed of the assembly line. At first, workers rebelled. They quit in droves. Now we plug right into repetitive motions of a hundred kinds." - Jeffrey Eugenides 

Produced by Marvel Studios (now a subsidiary of the Walt Disney Company), "Avengers: Age of Ultron" is a gazillion dollar superhero movie. Most of the film consists of dull, unimaginative action sequences in which powerful "good warriors" battle powerful "bad warriors". These action sequences - which have no sense of style, tempo and which are totally devoid of tension - are rolled out like crude, Pavlovian commands; the chemical rushes cynically demanded by corporate candy factories.

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Avengers 

Breaking up the monotony of these monotonous actions sequences are equally monotonous and equally mechanical scenes in which our heroes "talk", "reveal their personalities" and "share their feelings". These scenes exist, not because Marvel Studios has any interest in drama, characters or continuity, but because "films are supposed to have these scenes". In the Marvel universe, nothing really matters.

The individual plots and over-arching plot lines of Marvel's films don't matter. Characters don't matter. These things are only present to present the illusion of storytelling. They are filler. The constituents of a factory assembly line whose sole goal is the procurement of money.

You can't have a Marvel Movie without a super-villain. This time around our villain's a Really Bad Guy who wants to do Really Bad Stuff and who ironically pokes fun at Conventional Movie Villain Dialgoue whilst actually totally adhering to clichés. This villain (spoiler?) is defeated. Along the way, the film "comically" delivers its obligatory "one swear word", but not before a room full of lawyers and marketing executives run up the data, salivate over pie-charts and double check with global ratings boards.

Marvel Studios has a history of roping in "irreverent" and "edgy" directors. Afterall, you can't sell cookie cuttered dough to zombies without pretending it's the work of a rebel. As such, "Age of Ultron" was directed by Joss Whedon, a geek-king with a flair for zany dialogue.

But like Tarantinospeak, Woody Allenspeak, Mametspeak and Coenspeak, Joss Whedonspeak is now officially annoying. Indeed, everyone in Whedon's "Ultron" now sports the same voice. Every character, be they villain, hero, co-star, robot or computer, is an ironic, sarcastic, wisecracking master of zany one liners. This orgy of flippancy, non-sequiturs and "cool dialogue" reeks of desperation; cool stops being cool when everyone speaks cool.

Watching most Marvel Movies is a bit like being forced to watch a pornographic movie for a full two hours past the point of ejaculation. "Ultron" in particular bludgeons you with bludgeoning. It's filled with CGI muscle-men pounding and stomping, blowing up buildings and tossing cars back and forth, and then doing it again, and again and again and again, and then again in the sequels and then again on the directors' cuts, and then again in the reboots, and then again in the reboots' sequels and then again and again. And then a few more times. And then again and again.

Today, Marvel Studios now rolls like one of the world's largest conveyor belts; factory film-making as the epitome of the self-perpetuating capitalist machine, repackaging and marketing to every inch of the world.

Art subservient to product cycles, product obsolescence and schizoid brains. And all the while, the Studio keeps expanding, pushing their movies in the summer, their TV shows in the fall/winter, and their streaming shows in the spring before the cycle is repeated all over again.

With the new mantra of #ItsAllConnected - ironic, considering no Marvel show/series meaningfully connects to another - Marvel moves like the cinematic equivalent of malware. And now that Disney's acquired the "Star Wars" franchise, we can expect it to similarly start squeezing new "Star Wars" movies out of its mechanical orifices like diseased clockwork.

Incidentally, like most recent Marvel movies, "Age of Ultron's" chief villain is essentially a Western defence contract run amok. So we have another "anti violence", "anti military" Marvel film which gets its kicks from violence, mass murder and the flattering of whole cities.

Lazily written and acted, the film finds actor Mark Ruffalo continuing to be excellent, soulful and layered. He plays the Hulk, a property damage loving green dude with magical pants.

3/10 – What was Ultron's age anyway? Was that dude even legal? Worth no viewings.